I’m not really sure what to think or do right now. I thought I was doing great.

I know our circumstances well. I’ve always earned less than my wife, but it never made me feel complacent or dependent. I knew that someday it could become an issue, and that’s why I tried hard to earn more.

We’ve been dividing bills properly without problems, even if she takes on the biggest share. The major expenses and the daily necessities usually fall on her. I didn’t realize how much of a toll it was taking on her. Maybe she’s been keeping it from me because she knows I never wanted money to be an obstacle in our family.

Honestly, I admire her deeply. I’ve always seen her strength and determination. But right now, I can’t help but feel like I’ve become her biggest burden, the very thing that holds her back.

In another lifetime, I would still choose her again and again. But I wish that in that life, she could make the right choice, the one that frees her to reach her fullest potential, even if that choice isn’t me. I know she could soar really high without me.

It just hurts that now, with our kids and the vows we made before God, there’s no way to change things. I feel trapped by my own love, still wanting her happiness even if it means I’m the one she regrets.

I promise to keep my responsibilities. I promise to stay until I’m no longer needed. I’ll keep loving her quietly and do my best not to become the weight she wishes she didn’t have to carry.

I really thought I was getting better, but my actions betrayed me. Maybe I was just living in the fantasy that I was improving in the ways she needed me to.

I’ll stop here for now. Sulking won’t help, but maybe writing this down will remind me that I still have time to grow, even if no one notices yet.